Harriet: Lieutenant Roberts.... Bud...um.... Why are men such jerks!?
(Harm looks surprised. )
Harriet: Oh I am so sorry, sir......That just popped right out of my mouth----I am sorry!
Season 3
The Good of the Service
( Harm finds Harriet going through some files.)
Harm: Spying on us already, Ensign Sims?
Bud: Oh Sir, I gave the ensign permission to borrow some files that the IG requested.
Harm: You really are spying.
Harriet: Just because I'm working for the Inspector General does not mean I'm always inspecting.
Bud: The Commander is teasing..Aren't you, Sir?
Harm: Welcome aboard Harriet. Congratulations on your new position.
Impact
Harriet: It's like I'm dating a knight in shining armor.
Mac: Oh and that's a bad thing?
Harriet: You ever tried to make love to a man wearing an armor?
Mac: Does football equipment count ?
The Impostor
Admiral: How are the wedding plans coming?
Harriet: In a word, horrible, I don't think I can pull this off.
Admiral: Sure you can, you just need to stop thinking like a bride and start thinking as an ensign.
Harriet: Sir?
Admiral: Well don't treat it like some elaborate wedding, tack it as if it were a precision military operation. Look, seating arrangements, right? No, battle field plans. Wedding table, base of operations. Friends of the bride? Allies. Uncle Larry, Aunt Grace....
Harriet: Enemies.
Wedding Bell Blues
Harriet: Sir, if you ever get tired of the Navy, you can make a fortune as a wedding planner.
Admiral: Don't spread that around. I'd hate to have to kill you.
Season 4
Embassy
Harriet: Oh, I see, if I do a good job house training a pet then you may consider me for the mother of your child?
Bud: No.
Harriet: No ?!
Angels 30
(AJ notices that Harriet is worried about Bud.)
Harriet: Not very Navy-like of me.
Admiral: Ensign, the uniform is made to fit a person. See this? (pointing to a scar on his head.) A VC tried to cut my head off with a hatchet, 30 stitches. I did not even know I was bleeding for about 2 days. But now this is an electric can opener, knocked me out cold for 6 hours, compliments of my ex-wife in her second trimester.
Harriet: Sir what are you telling me...that I should stay away from small appliances?
***
(Harriet is fixing herself a sandwich with sardines.)
Harriet: Oh are you hungry Sir?
Admiral: I was.
Harriet: I'm eating for two now.
Admiral: Two what ?
(The Admiral runs out of the kitchen after taking a look at Harriet's dinner.)
Harriet: Lets face it - men just don't have the stomach for pregnancy
***
Admiral: Who the h%#@ took my dinner?!
Harriet: Admiral, uh.. that was me, Sir.
Admiral: You ate my Risotto?
Harriet: No, Sir.
Admiral: Well where is it?
Harriet: I tossed it.
Admiral: You.. you, tossed my Risotto?
Harriet: Yes sir, in the garbage; there were things growing in the fridge.
Admiral: Ensign, there was nothing growing in my Risotto.
Harriet: I'm sorry sir, I couldn't help myself. I just had to clear out the refrigerator. I think I'm nesting.
Admiral: There's no nesting in JAG Ops!
(Harriet starts crying.)
Admiral: There also is no crying!... stop crying Ensign! That's an order... Please!
Yeah, Baby
Elevator Repairman: If I were you I'd take the stairs.
Harriet: If you were me, you'd be home whining with your feet up.
***
(Harriet goes into labor.)
Mac: What can we do to make you feel better, Harriet?
Harriet: Shoot me!
***
Harriet: What's the matter?
Tiner: It's crowning, I can see the head.
Harriet: Tiner? (Tiner faints)
Mac: Tiner!
Harriet: He fainted!
Tiner: No, I didn't!
Harriet: Like a school girl!
Season 5
Boomerang, part 1
Bud: Gunny, it's wild down here. I haven't seen so many naked breasts since, since... (thinks he is talking to the Gunny on the phone..but it's Harriet.)
Harriet: Since WHEN, Bud?!
Bud: (to Harm) You didn't tell me Harriet was on the phone!
Harm: Well I didn't know you were gonna talk about breasts, Sorry.
Surface Warfare
Harriet: This dress makes me look fat!
Bud: Honey, you're pregnant, you're supposed to look fat.
Harriet: How fat am I supposed to look, Bud? Like a station wagon, a blimp, Mt. Washington, what?
Have a favorite quote you want added? Juste-mail me!
Elevator Repairman: If I were you I'd take the stairs.
Harriet: This dress makes me look fat! 